The Minnie Winnie Hits the Road

Tonight (which in reality now is several nights ago) we are somewhere in Guatemala, safe, fed, and full of life gratefulness.  Today we drove to the only hot water falls in the world - an unbelievable and beautiful experience.  Lathering ourselves in the hot silky mud from one of the caves and bathing in near 110 degree water from a hot spring that flows over in to a cold river, we touched a new layer of this earth we are exploring.  It was a magical collision of the steaming hot into the refreshing cold…I think this perfection has ruined me for life when it comes to waterfalls.  

Once we left the falls, we decided to continue heading west on the road we were driving at the suggestion of a few folks…curse you people.  Apparently "calle bueno" means something different to them than to us.  We left on a beautiful smooth road, best we've seen in Central America, and ended up driving for hours on, what felt like, a river bed in our RV.  I really can't believe this thing held together that whole time…and guess who drove most of the way (until it really got rough)?  Yours truly!  I was quite proud of myself and even more proud of my sweet husband for letting me drive even though at times I might have just been driving him crazy (smiles).  The kids were great sports and Layla basically crawled up in our lap the whole time thinking we were in the midst of hours of earthquakes.  Now, though, we are parked in a sweet very Guatemalan village in the middle of what feels like nowhere.  Everyone is taken with our casa on wheels and our perro grande.  A group of 20 boys surrounded our car, talked to our kids, and watched every move we made for a couple hours as we settled in.  We laughed, cooked tortillas on our own for the first time in our rv, and are now buttoned up for the night, curtains closed, enjoying AC, a movie, and 3G wifi…what?!!  What a crazy random mashup of the two very different worlds we are experiencing.  Similar to the convergence of the hot and cold water today at the waterfall, I think we found our sweet spot.  

How Belize has changed us...

Belize has changed me.  It has changed us as a family.

I don't even know if I will fully grasp the changes until we get home and see ourselves in familiar mirrors and look at each other in the backdrop of our previous lives.  This life feels so far removed from that life and, though it is the same strand of life, the lighting is different.  I see things differently here.  My perspective has changed on life, on necessities, on Belize, on friendships, on family, on America….not necessarily any particular philosophy but just how my philosophy is illuminated in the light of Belize.  It's a spectrum change, or maybe a change in aperture.  My eyes have adjusted to see life in this other light.

This change has been gradual...it always is to the one looking back at you in the mirror.  For instance, I never realize how old I look until I see myself in pictures.  We neglect to notice how much our kids have grown until we line 'em up against their height markers on the wall.  My barometer for change is tied to my own perception of today, so answering the question of how Belize has changed us becomes hard, but a few things I know….

 - It's harder to leave than we imagined
 - We are 100% closer as a family
 - We ALL would do this all over again…both the good and the bad (and the kids say they plan to one day with their children…+1 for the parents)
 - Our clothes have more holes and stains, but it doesn't stop us from wearing them
 - When I get a cold sore or a big zit, I don't get embarrassed to go out…I don't even think about it
 - I have stopped apologizing for things like a dirty house or a botched meal
 - We feel healthier and more fit
 - We have more friends with different world views and many different languages
 - We realize we need less…and WANT less
 - I know less now about my future than I thought I knew before (I don't actually know less, I just know I know less now)
 - For each new place we go, we find out about 10 more places we want to go
 - I can spend all day in thought and get nothing done…and don't go to bed feeling guilty
 - I am content to not get in a car for weeks on end (we LOVE our bikes)
 - We wear our bathing suites 80% of the time…sometimes just because it is cooler than wearing clothes
 - I read the Bible with less agenda and more of an open heart
 - We watch near zero TV, but I don't know what we do with all of our time
 - We cook more at home…together
 - We argue less
 - I don't use the word "should" as much
 - I care less about 80% of the things I worried about before and care more about the 20%
 - I now use showers to cool down, not to warm up (getting clean is just a temporary byproduct)
 - I am never too busy to get interrupted here
 - I know what weevils are and they are just like what they sound like

These are just some of ours…take a minute to think about yours.  Remember, sometimes we are like  vending machines, if you want something good to come out you need to put in some change.  (I coined that one:) haha)
 - by Heidi

Love Anyways

It just dawned on me, as I was penning some thanks this morning, what a gift I have been given by parents who love me anyways.  I know that they might have planned my life differently, or chosen a more prevalent career path, but I have no question they love me anyways.  To them I am still talented…though hard convincing anyone else.  To them I could still be any thing I want.  They might have chosen for me to live near to them and have more children, or to stay put in one place and share weekly meals, but I didn’t…and they love me anyways.  To them quality time with me (and my babies) is still the only gift they need.  Yes, I am blessed…as much as that term has never set well with me, in this case it fits.  I have been shown mercy and grace undeserved in their affections.    

I want to pass that gift on to my children.  Let there never be a question in their mind that I will love them anyways.  If the world turns on them and they feel the sting of rejection…let them run to me.  They have hung the world in my eyes and I see their hidden treasures.  I  hope I always look at them with wonder and let them see excitement in my eyes when they walk in to the room.  Let me be their biggest advocate and their closest friend, even if they won’t admit it for a while.  I want to be the first call when they have hard news.  I want them to know they can never shake my love, they can never stop me from believing they can change the world.  They can fail; they have the freedom to utterly fall on their faces over and over again…and I will love them anyways.  I will tell them when I think they are off and offer correction while they are under my roof, but whatever they choose I will love them anyways.  

grace through the awkward

beauty in the mud

soft centers between rocks and hard places

forts to tell secrets

blood to cover doors

forgiveness covering a life lived reckless

rough edges to love

deep ruts to expose

holding the key to mend the brokenness

to live a life not lost but loved 

to give a love not lost in life

and through this see and know and choose
to still love anyways

Walls

I struggle a bit with walls.  I never realized it until spending some time here in Antigua, Guatemala.  All of these walls hide something within that, more times than not, is beautiful.  

I love Antigua.  I really think I could live here.  It has everything I yearn for on a level just below surface….mountains, cool nights requiring sweatshirts and blankets, volcanos that guard the city and remind me of a living earth beneath, frequent earthquakes that bring adventure to day to day life, culture around every corner, bountiful produce, wonderful cafes, some of the friendliest people on earth, a cultural appreciation for things beautiful, and a community of people that are active in each other's lives.  However, there has been one thing that has left me feeling a little claustrophobic and frustrated.  I can't see beyond these walls.  The streets are quaint with cobblestone, colorful walls, and hanging baskets, but until you get up a mountain a bit you can't see beyond a few yards it seems.  As you can tell I'm not from the city.  

When we have been behind the walls, it often opens up to beautiful gardens (meticulously cared for and overflowing with life), charming cafes, and hidden treasures.  So why hide?  I know…this is Guatemala.  Not the safest place on earth.  Protection.  Here the philosophy is protect on the outside and cultivate beauty on the inside (at least in their architecture) as  opposed to the States where it seems to be impress the neighbors on the outside and skimp on the inside.  

I have to say, I might be guilty of the latter mentality.  I am not advocating walls, but as "builders" by nature Richard and I discussed what it would look like to build a house here.  It brought our attention to the paradox shift.  The money, creativity, and effort would go in to the interior with the most simple approach to "curb appeal."  This made me ask a few questions of myself on a deeper level...Am I cultivating beauty inside my house, both physically or spiritually?  Am I attending to the heart of my children and not just their behavior? (ouch).   I don't suggest we put up walls but I do suggest we focus on where time is spent most and on the parts of life that last beyond these boundaries of mortality on earth.  Just something to ponder…

All is well here with us.  We have 2 more weeks in Antigua before we head back to Belize.  It's been great.  We've learned a bit more Spanish.  We will be back!  We miss you all!! 

Just BE….thankful.

I recently read two great books (actually still mid book on the second).  A Thousand Splendid Suns followed up by A Thousand Gifts…no, no specific fixation with things of a thousand (I was given these independently).  I was so moved by the first, the harshness of some lives so vividly told, relatable yet personally unfamiliar.  The strands of hope that to any one else would be overlooked, but to the one, the victim of such trauma, a strand of hope upon which they could attach each breathe.  The ability to be grateful in such bleakness for any sign of purpose brings joy in the worst of circumstances.   This book is also currently relevant in light of all that is going on in the middle east.  It makes my heart see past the general horror of it all into the individual lives living its reality…oh so hard.

The canvas of this first book makes reading the subsequent book even more remarkable, because I am not only seeing it through my own lens, but reading it through the eyes of Mariam and Laila.  Seeing that it is gratitude for even the smallest of things, raw and gravely fought for, that opens the door to a life fully lived.  Actually thankfulness painted in detail, rather than with broad stroke condition, brings about presence of spirit and stillness in time.

This really is life etching for me…building on to what God was already working in my soul with one of my very first posts "Just Be."  Maybe what he is showing me is this…just be...thankful.  Does that usher in true presence (both mine and HIS)?
Well, think on that…as you (and I) go about a busy next week.  For me it is the beginning of school, learning to be a teacher and a parent wrapped in to one.  Give me luck!

- Heidi

Summer "Sumwhers" by Heidi

This title you ask…just a reminder of the wonderful country accent we often reminisce about from back "yonder" in 'Merica.  It's Summer Sumwhers (translation - somewhere).  And once we return I know we will reminisce about things like "bwai" and "weh di go ann?"

We are on the cusp of the school year.  Watching Facebook friend's first school days photos as poignant reminders that I better start getting my act together.  I do feel a small nagging realization that it is all on MY shoulders this year…success or failure all packed in to my suitcase.  That is at least what I feel, but I know that I am not alone in this so I choose a lighter perspective, an easier yolk (Matt 11:30), and give up my overly self-important position.  I do realize I sometimes take more credit for things (both good and bad) than is due me.  Richard is a good reminder of this and keeps me slightly more aware that life isn't all about me, haha.

We have had a great summer.  It really has been full of memories, new experiences, and new relationships.  We have had some welcomed guests - my Dad "Poppy," who brought love, familiarity, and much comfort especially as we were on an 18 day absence from half of US (Richard and Addie were back in the States), also - Jake "Jakey," who is also like family and a welcomed sight and reminder that we are still connected to our previous life.  THANK YOU both for coming!!!  Please send others :)

Ryland and I got to band together for 10 days just the two of us…admittedly there were several tears.

 Their absence and the quietness that fell on our house reminded us more of our homesickness, but in light of that, we had such fun making each day special and purposefully creating memories that just the two of us will always share.  Then Dad came…we had been saving up some of the "fun" adventures for when people visit.  As you know it would be dreadful to have to go fishing and snorkeling over and over (haha…not really).   We had such fun hosting him and showing him all of our "secret spots."  I really think he left thinking we were resort "crashers."  We haven't posted tons of these pictures of us in the lap of luxury, but don't think we don't have them.  We have tossed around the idea of writing a book "Hacking Luxury Travel"…if you know Richard you realize this isn't surprising.  He always did seem to have a way of getting us backstage at concerts, front row of shows, and many more places that we didn't "belong" and all while charming people in the process.  Life with him has been exciting and always an adventure, at home or abroad!

A few highlights from these months of blogging absence - Cockscomb tubing with just Ryland (he really takes care of me and is such an awesome buddy to bum around with),  boating in a storm and "riding it out" along Baker's Caye (known for it's abundance of sharks….eessh), laying on the pier at night trying to catch some fish and looking at the stars,  visits to Red Bank and Roseville (the Amish village beyond), waterfalls with friends, sleeping Belize style with Ryland and both animals in my bed at night, summer thunderstorms, a wonderful day boating with our dear friends who have a glass bottom boat and snorkeling off of Laughing Bird Caye (seriously a favorite), sleepy days being lazy and staying in, and a great day spent with the children from an orphanage that came to town for a special day put on by the church we have been attending, and I am sure more.

We are now settling down to normalcy again.  Getting back in our daily rhythm…nice and slow just like we have learned to like it.  That also means getting back to blogging.  I have missed communicating with so many of you at once.  It's nice to know you are reading!
Love to you all -
- Heidi 

Our stormy but fun day at sea

Wilbert in a hammock

Walking to Roseville, an unexpected place for an Amish community

Good to have Dad!  

Our Video Debut

Fruits in Belize from Heidi King on Vimeo.

There are many more fruiting trees we have discovered since thanks to our great guide, Wilson! Hope you enjoyed! - Heidi, Addie, Ryland

Not So Anonymous

We are approaching three months in and this life is starting to feel less like someone else's and more like my own.

• The produce man, David, has started to know me and always offers me a free taste of some sort of fruit that I am unfamiliar with.  
• We have become casual friends with many of the business owners like the wonderful French and Italian owners of Tutti Fruitti, a serious addiction of ours, and are warmly greeted with a smile and a familiar nod or wave.  
• We know many of the children's names that run around town and several have just shown up on our porch from time to time anxious to play with the kids.  
• We have scoped out the local only spots to buy fish (still a feat though...I feel compelled to do an exposé "where did all the fishermen go?").  
• We have been invited over for dinner, taken on a lovely sailing excursion, and been given a lesson or two on how to fish without a pole.  
• We feel extremely comfortable being nearly the only white people that come to the local fútbol games in town at night.  
• It's still a joy to ride our bikes everywhere and makes me feel less like an outsider (though this is far from the real reason we would or wouldn't be considered one).
• We finally scouted out where to get $.25bz (12 cents US) "ideal" or "milky way" (frozen milk, sugar, and flavor...I think) in a little baggie that you bite off the corner of, another nice cool treat and easy on the envelope budget!!  
• I know where in town to go to borrow tweezers to pull out the barbs of a sea urchin when needed.  
• The kids have scouted out, with the help of some friends, many of the edible fruiting trees (stay tuned for a fun video tutorial from them).  
• We know which local crazy guys to keep our distance from when they haven't had their meds.  
• We have several people we would call if we are in a pinch or need a favor...and would be honored if we were on their list as well. 
• More than once people have let us come back to pay for something when we didn't end up having the cash on us...always an indication of some familiarity and trust.  
• We know not to touch the green caterpillars, that mango sap is like poison ivy, that there is a good dentist in town that can fix a chipped tooth, that banana tree sap/milk from the trunk will cleanse and heal a wound in a hurry, and that scorpions like damp dark places.  
• We have seen a form of bioilluminesence in what we think were glowing jellyfish off of our dock, a spotted eagle ray, a manatee (only Addie saw that one), a blood moon, many tropical fish and coral, lots of iguana, and we haven't even gone on any excursions yet. We are waiting for YOU to come visit for a good excuse for us to go together! 

doing school on the pier

iguanas aren't so bad

best bread in town only BZ$2

best gelato you've ever had - Tutti Fruiti

fresh ingredients - Tutti Fruiti

Lorenzo, one of the nicest people around

All this to say that it's nice to know our way around this little piece of earth.  It's nice to not be so anonymous anymore.
-Heidi

A Night in Red Bank

We had our first true Belizean experience a couple weekends ago.  We were invited by Ruffina (who lives downstairs) to come to her Mayan village for a day and meet her family.  Unfortunately Richard could not come with us because of some prior engagements (sadly that is why I hardly have any decent pictures to document the trip), but the kids and I set out for this adventure.  We start the journey with a 15 minute ride on the "Hokey Pokey" (fitting name) little water taxi.  This taxi runs in the lagoon behind our house and across the water to the larger village of Independence.  This is where a lot of the people who work in Placencia live as it is much less expensive.  Then we take a 5 min. taxi to the bus station and a 20 min. bus ride to the village of Red Bank.

As we ride along (standing room only) we can see the mountains rise in the distance and slowly grow as we near the village.  They seem to just petrude out of no-where almost like large bolders stacked up on flat ground and covered in a lush layer of greenery.  Skinny pine trees rise awkwardly along the road flanked in low growing weeds and a few palm trees.  We come to a dirt road that would surely be missed if I were driving myself.  It is unmarked and doesn't have enough ware for me to think that this is really the only road to Red Bank. The bus turns in and continues another 10 min. down the dirt road.   I begin to see several thatch roof houses and a cute hand painted sign "Welcome to Red Bank" signifying our arrival.  I see Ruffina ahead of us running out towards the moving bus.  The bus driver sees her as well.  I grab my stuff and riffle through my purse to find change...only $2bz ($1US).  We have Wilburt's (Ruffina's baby) walker in hand (as she had asked us to bring) and run to greet her.   She leads us back to her parents' house.  It is more of a small compound than just a house.  The kitchen is outside on a dirt floor covered by a thatched roof.  There are several hammocks and a few plastic chairs...this is where much of their time is spent together (understandably).  A small concrete house sits just adjacent.  It has two bedrooms with sheets hanging as doors and one large rather empty room.  One hammock hangs from the rafters here, a small shelf, a tv with a blanket hung over it, a table filled with bowls and dishes, a bench, refrigerator, and an unused oven is in the corner.  Water is piped in to their compound by one single pipe that is outside somewhere between the kitchen and house area. This is where they do dishes and laundry (if they aren't taking it to the river to wash).  They also have a outdoor shower set up here in a little wood structure.  The outhouse is a ways from all of what I just described and is a wooden structure with a dirt floor and two cement holes that go into the ground.

helping with dishes

roasting cocoa beans

Ruffina's mom grinding the cocoa

ground cocoa

Ruffina's mom is there to greet us...she welcomes us with a warm smile and hug.  I love it already.  The kids run around chasing hens and little baby chicks that run freely everywhere.  They scope out the mango trees and pick a few green mangos to munch on.  Lunch is already cooking in a pot on the mud hearth under the thatched roof.  After some chatting and baby holding a large plate of lunch is served....it is DELICIOUS and the kids gobble up every bit of it (rice and beans and a piece of chicken).  This has to be the most flavorful rice and beans I have had to date while here.  We walk around the village seeing mostly thatched roof houses and visit some friends that we had made previously.  Afterwards we get a lesson on the cocoa bean (eating the sweet tangy flesh around the bean, roasting and grinding the cocoa, and then making a sweet chocolate drink).  We all pile in the back of a truck and ride through the jungle to a beautiful large river, some waterfalls, and plenty of swimming holes.  The water is cold and refreshing and we have a blast swimming, jumping off rocks, and racing across the water. It feels like the mountains of Western NC a little and makes me thankful for a common ground (in many ways).  We return and should be jumping back on the bus to return home at this point, but it doesn't take much convincing to talk us in to staying the night.  At this point I still don't know where we will sleep, but we are "all in" and so grateful for the generous offer of hospitality.

Once again we gather around the hearth but this time to get a tutorial on making corn tortillas.  They can't really understand why my mother or grandmother didn't teach me to make tortillas and perplexed out how we have gotten by this long without this knowledge (Mom, a complete oversight on your part!!).  My favorite question of the night came from Ruffina's sweet father who asked, after finding out that we were staying the night, "How will your husband eat if you don't go home?"  I LOVED it...the realization that we live in two totally different worlds.  Sharing a meal with them was so precious to us all.  We can't wait to return.  We were given one of the two beds that night and felt so cared for and went to sleep listening to a little radio playing sweet church music in their Mayan language.   I hope the kids remember this forever...I will!

- Heidi

I Am Small

I have a nearly completed post drafted about our beautiful experience in a sweet mayan village with Ruffina's family.  It was precious and we didn't want to leave, but I will save that for the next time.  

Tonight I just had something else on my mind.  It has been an interesting week. One of mixed emotions and a realization that life follows you wherever you go.  I started back into some old ruts and trivial thought patterns.  I began to think about all that I am not and overwhelmed by all of those that are.  There are so many amazing, brilliant, inspiring, world changing people out there and I began to feel the emptiness from being average. I can hear the reaction to this...some will want to rescue me from what they think is despair and convince me that I am not average, that I am "woman," full of beauty and strength, some will role their eyes (Jeremiah) and just think that I am looking for edification by using a sort of reverse psychology, and some will identify and liken to the feeling.  But I am honestly just being honest.  I am not great.  I yell at my kids.  I get lazy.  I seek out fulfillment in the wrong places.  I am mediocre at most things...in fact all things, but the story doesn't end there.

I sat tonight on the roof of our house in anticipation of the meteor shower and I felt infinitely small.  I looked at the magnificent sky as the clouds began to roll back as if putting out on display their finest jewels and I sat there in awe.  And there it came.  As if on the wind, this peace blew in.  The peace in knowing that I am small and insignificant in this big world...but I am known.  I am a sinner, but am forgiven.  I am a spec, but a spec that has the very breath of God in it.  I am ill-equipped for my job here, but I am trusted with the task.  I am lost, but I am found. I am utterly incapable of changing the world (I wouldn't even know where to start).  But I don't have to.  God has got this.  He created the stars and put to motion the workings of the universe.  His plan is bigger than the place that I live or the breadth of my time here.  He knows the future and the past.  No mystery is unsolved to him...he is the author.  Sometimes we just need to feel small.  Take it in.  Enjoy the privilege of watching the world from our particular vantage point wherever that may be...and love each other. Show grace, see the best in people, place others before ourselves, give even when we feel we have nothing, and be grateful.  Tonight I am grateful...that I happened to look up, that the clouds rolled away, and that my vision was corrected and my focus adjusted.  This life right now is not about me finding my purpose (that sounds so privileged and first world when put it in the light of my surroundings), but to love God and love others. period.

P.S.  I gave the kids a week off of writing their posts so look for them this coming week!  Also...I promise not to always write heavy reflective posts!!  We are loving it here and have so many awesome stories to share.  

-Heidi

Finding Our Way

It's 9:04pm.  Sounds of the forest are all around us.  The florescent energy-efficient lights above me are an ill-suited contrast to the otherwise tranquil setting.  We are staying in a sweet little thatched roof cabana in what feels like the middle of nowhere at the moment.  In fact, though, we are just outside of San Ignacio, a popular expat city in western Belize just adjacent to Guatemala.

San Ignacio downtown

This is the only pic we took of cabana

Richard and I were getting a bit restless with the mere one-and-a-half mile path we had worn smooth by our daily treks.  We had been looking for a car to purchase in Placencia but, just as you can never find a pen when you need it and always when you don't, we had found nothing.  So, we rented a car hoping for better luck here, in San Ignacio, where there are more people and a better likelihood of finding an "American" car.  It's been interesting...a mix of discovery and distracted wandering.  We didn't have a plan, or a map, when we came and everything is unknown so we have kind of felt our way in the dark (sometimes literally).  Some fortuitous turns today landed us at this cute (and inexpensive) little resort (if you can call it that) and possibly a new car.  We also went to an amazing Mayan ruin today...pretty aw-inspiring and perplexing at the same time.  We hope to go to another tomorrow and then make our way back to home base.  Who knows what will happen though.

View from cabana

I definitely feel a little disoriented at the moment as if I just woke up in someone else's life.  It's pleasant and fun, but I'm grasping a bit for things that I have no idea where to find.  Some of these things are simple like where to get soil and others are rather annoyingly ambiguous like what is my purpose here.

I honestly just want someone to tell me...go here, get this kind of car, here is the best restaurant, this is how you should do homeschool each day, volunteering over there will make the most impact, this is where you will meet your friends, that is the cheapest place to get produce, and exactly where to hike to the best waterfall, but guess what?  It's not that easy.  Yes, it is much easier than it used to be because of the all-knowing trip advisor and google, but google can't make unmarked roads easy to find or introduce you to that couple over there that look like potential friends.  And it lacks the ability to descifer the idiosyncrasies that make something barely likable to one person and charming to another.  It recognizes that we are looking for cars in Belize and therefore drowns me in ads that promote Belize and vehicles for the next week...but that is not what I want.  I want to have a conversation with the lady at the corner store who has a daughter that is selling a car she brought in from the States.  I want to find out that her grandchildren are in a sailing club that meets every Saturday at Yoli's.  Then I want to buy her homemade panades because they were fresh this morning and have her tell me to come back on Tuesday mornings for the "world's best macarons" that her cousin makes.  These are the experiences that I want to live...you can't google these.  Just like the Mayan ruins, you can't pull up photos online and capture even one tenth of the awe and mystery that cloaks you when you see them in person.  You must stand on the top of the temple looking down to the people below that are dwarfed by the size of something that was so meticulously built over 2000 years ago.  Only there can you truly grasp the grandeur of a world so unknown and it is there that you realize you have a million more questions than you have answers.

130 feet tall

Xunantunich Mayan Ruins

Cahal Pech Ruins

So, here I am still slightly disoriented at the moment, but ready for whatever real life experience has for us here.  I'm ready to be at the end of myself and the beginning of what is to come.  I am here.

The ferry across the river