Finding Our Way

It's 9:04pm.  Sounds of the forest are all around us.  The florescent energy-efficient lights above me are an ill-suited contrast to the otherwise tranquil setting.  We are staying in a sweet little thatched roof cabana in what feels like the middle of nowhere at the moment.  In fact, though, we are just outside of San Ignacio, a popular expat city in western Belize just adjacent to Guatemala.

San Ignacio downtown

This is the only pic we took of cabana

Richard and I were getting a bit restless with the mere one-and-a-half mile path we had worn smooth by our daily treks.  We had been looking for a car to purchase in Placencia but, just as you can never find a pen when you need it and always when you don't, we had found nothing.  So, we rented a car hoping for better luck here, in San Ignacio, where there are more people and a better likelihood of finding an "American" car.  It's been interesting...a mix of discovery and distracted wandering.  We didn't have a plan, or a map, when we came and everything is unknown so we have kind of felt our way in the dark (sometimes literally).  Some fortuitous turns today landed us at this cute (and inexpensive) little resort (if you can call it that) and possibly a new car.  We also went to an amazing Mayan ruin today...pretty aw-inspiring and perplexing at the same time.  We hope to go to another tomorrow and then make our way back to home base.  Who knows what will happen though.

View from cabana

I definitely feel a little disoriented at the moment as if I just woke up in someone else's life.  It's pleasant and fun, but I'm grasping a bit for things that I have no idea where to find.  Some of these things are simple like where to get soil and others are rather annoyingly ambiguous like what is my purpose here.

I honestly just want someone to tell me...go here, get this kind of car, here is the best restaurant, this is how you should do homeschool each day, volunteering over there will make the most impact, this is where you will meet your friends, that is the cheapest place to get produce, and exactly where to hike to the best waterfall, but guess what?  It's not that easy.  Yes, it is much easier than it used to be because of the all-knowing trip advisor and google, but google can't make unmarked roads easy to find or introduce you to that couple over there that look like potential friends.  And it lacks the ability to descifer the idiosyncrasies that make something barely likable to one person and charming to another.  It recognizes that we are looking for cars in Belize and therefore drowns me in ads that promote Belize and vehicles for the next week...but that is not what I want.  I want to have a conversation with the lady at the corner store who has a daughter that is selling a car she brought in from the States.  I want to find out that her grandchildren are in a sailing club that meets every Saturday at Yoli's.  Then I want to buy her homemade panades because they were fresh this morning and have her tell me to come back on Tuesday mornings for the "world's best macarons" that her cousin makes.  These are the experiences that I want to live...you can't google these.  Just like the Mayan ruins, you can't pull up photos online and capture even one tenth of the awe and mystery that cloaks you when you see them in person.  You must stand on the top of the temple looking down to the people below that are dwarfed by the size of something that was so meticulously built over 2000 years ago.  Only there can you truly grasp the grandeur of a world so unknown and it is there that you realize you have a million more questions than you have answers.

130 feet tall

Xunantunich Mayan Ruins

Cahal Pech Ruins

So, here I am still slightly disoriented at the moment, but ready for whatever real life experience has for us here.  I'm ready to be at the end of myself and the beginning of what is to come.  I am here.

The ferry across the river